Waffles.

Oh, what's that you say?  June 4th is National Donut Day? Oh, HELL no.  I say it's time to give props to Man's REAL Best Friend: WAFFLES.

LISTEN TO THE WAFFLE RAP, LIVE!

There is only one food in this world whose main concern is you,
A crazy little treat that loves you through and through.

You can get ‘em in a circle, you can get ‘em in a square,

Waffles are the only food who genuinely care.

Waffles will be there for you, when you need support,
Waffles will represent you when you have your day in court.
Filing for bankruptcy? Going through divorce?

The Law Office of Waffles will get what’s rightfully yours, of course.

Waffles want what’s best for you, turn to them in times of pain.
It’s okay to eat your feelings, Waffles LIKES your new weight gain!
Look at Kirstie Alley, she could’ve turned to beers,
Instead she turned to Waffles when the network cancelled Cheers.


Lots of people look to Waffles during rough times in their life,
Larry King sought Waffle counseling after leaving his 8th wife.
Pink Floyd relied on Waffles to help them write “The Wall”,
Britney Spears once ate some Waffles in a public bathroom stall.


But let’s not get too crazy here, Waffles aren’t magic,
They’ll lend a helping hand to you when life seems really tragic,
But if you’re hit by a car because you crossed the street while reading?
DO NOT USE A WAFFLE TO TRY AND STOP THE BLEEDING.


Nothing against donuts folks,
They’re okay I guess,
But even Pancakes cannot front on this:
WAFFLES ARE THE BEST!

A Song For When Phil Collins Dies.

He may look healthy now, but nobody lives forever, and when Phil Collins dies, I'd like to be prepared.

LISTEN TO THE DEAD PHIL SONG, LIVE!!!

January 30th, nineteen fifty one,

The life of the greatest singer, has finally begun. No I’m not talking about Elvis, Keith Sweat, or Henry Rollins. I speak of his bald majesty, the late great Philip Collins.  But now his life has ended, and if you ever feel alone, imagine meeting him at the Crossroads, with Harmony, Thugs, and Bone.

Of course he wasn’t perfect, he made big mistakes you know, like watching a man commit murder, then giving him tickets to his show.  Or that time he killed a hooker, after drinking 15 beers, and forbidding Mike + the Mechanics from seeing their father, in the living years. (And now he’s DEAD. THEIR FATHER IS DEAD!)

How could we just let him walk away? Just let him leave without a trace?  The Land of Confusion video now has one less creepy face.  WHY DID GOD TAKE PHIL, YOU GUYS??! And not Cher or Danny Glover?  I guess the world will have to learn to live, with one less Easy Lover.

Sussusudio, bitches.