Light Dawns on Marble Hog.

My mom signed up for an art class a little while ago; she thought it would be a fun and creative way to spend a night out of the house during the week.   One of the class assignments was to paint a nautical scene onto a wind-chime, and since my mom loves Lighthouses, she was really excited about this project.   The problem, it appears, is that my mom hasn't actually ever seen a Lighthouse.  Evidently, though, she has seen quite a few striped sea-sausages in her day.  (Sorry, Dad.)

It's Not Always All About You.

Twenty two years ago today, Baby Jessica McClure was rescued from the well she had been trapped in for 58 long hours. We've all seen the "Where-Is-She-Now?" special, but has anyone ever stopped to ask where the well is now??  I did. And over the course of a 2-hour Hungry-Man dinner, this is what he said:

LISTEN TO THE WELL'S STORY, LIVE!!!

October 14, ‘87, started out okay, just your average morning,baby Jessica comes out to play. But she didn’t want her toys, or her cabbage patch kid doll, instead she felt like going for a 22-foot fall. People worried about that baby, when they heard she fell, but no one asked how I was feeling, Cuz I’m just the “stupid well.” But let’s get something straight here folks, I’m not the one to blame. Jumping down a well is a VERY RECKLESS GAME! I tried to keep her comfortable, all she did was cry and complain, I sang her some new hip hop songs, like Raw by Big Daddy Kane. But when the whole ordeal was over, It was all about Baby J. You don’t see Old Welly in a Michael Jackson video, or being interviewed on “Today.” A lot of time has passed now, 22 years to be exact, since I was in the media spotlight, and became a historical fact. I’m not looking for any money, my compassion has no price, and I’m not one to ask for much, but a Thank You would be nice. Bitch.

A Poem for People Born Before 1981.

Since Kenny Loggins' house can only hold so many people, and most of you didn't make the cut, I wrote a poem about what the Live-Aid Concert After Party was like.  Just click on the link and close your eyes to be transported back to that magical night. 

LISTEN TO THE LIVE-AID AFTER PARTY RECAP!!

July thirteenth, nineteen eighty five, Pop singers tell Ethiopians: ‘Just try to stay alive!’
Late night at Kenny Loggins house and everyone's invited,
The Pointer Sisters are the most visibly excited.

Here's a list of people, in the order they appeared,
Who stopped by Kenny's house and paid a tribute to his beard.
Crosby Stills and Nash, are first upon the scene,
Billy Ocean's in the shower singing Carribbean Queen.
People are so happy that Peter Mayhew's in the house,
He gets a lot of compliments on his furry Chewy blouse.
The Cars are always paranoid about you getting home alright,
Tom Selleck and John Oates, mustache battle through the night!
Doctor Who is really busy, scaring people in the cellar,
Then theres a cameo appearance by a cold dead Helen Keller!
R.E.O. Speedwagon is trying to fight that feeling,
Lionel Richie spills his drink while he is dancing on the ceiling.
Marilyn McCoo shows up after her shift on Solid Gold,
Freddy Mercury doesn't feel so great, ehh, it's probably just a cold.