Use Protection, Bitches.

In this time of giving thanks, my wise friend Rachael Ziminsky suggested I flex my philanthropic muscle, give back to the community, and provide people with a rap that is informational, didactic, and can not be stolen from the Indians by big selfish Puritan Separatist jerks.  Hmmmph!

LISTEN TO THE SAFETY RAP, LIVE!

Now this is a rap to make you aware,
There are more than just a few big dangers out there.

Just when you think you’re as safe as can be

You step off a cliff and it’s R.I.P.

Now a safety harness is a surefire way

To keep you alive almost every day.

Just as you find yourself falling through space,
Your harness screams: “HEY GRAVITY, IN YO FACE!”

So maybe you’re a mess and you’re falling on the regs,
You'll want the Full Body Harness with the Grommetted Legs.
But maybe you’re cautious, barely falling down,
I’d recommend the flex harness, perhaps in chestnut brown?  BREAK IT DOWN…..


B.A. Baracus wore a harness to work.
Steve Martin wore a harness while filming the Jerk.
Don’t feel like rocking your harness on the street?
If Rodney King wore his harness then he wouldn’ta got BEAT.  (Not true, not true....)

There is one main component that I think you oughta know,
It’s gonna save your ass from falling on the flo’,
The thing that makes your harness your ultimate protector,
Is the motherfucking steel, ANCHORAGE CONNECTOR!

Now put these together, and that’s really all it takes,
To keep you alive, regardless of the stakes.
Now that I'm done rapping I can see you’re ascertaining,
THIS MESSAGE IS FROM THE COUNCIL ON INDUSTRIAL DAMN TRAINING.  BITCH. 

Lunch from South of the Border.

LISTEN TO THE TACO RAP, LIVE!!!

I find tacos to be delish,
Tacos for lunch are a flavory dish.
Chicken tacos, beef tacos, veggie tacos, fish,
Rub the hard shell and make a taco-ey wish.

Maybe your taco is filled with cheese,
Maybe your taco starred in Thelma & Louise,
But here is one thing that I know to be right,
Sullenburger munched a taco while he landed his flight.

The process isn’t difficult,
Just bring the taco to your head.
Lindsey Lohan once ate hotdogs,
but eats tacos now instead.

Your taco might be hot,
Your taco might be mild,
Your taco might make a cameo
On Cancun Girls Gone Wild.

Your taco should be served,
With the right amount of spice.
You can get one from a street corner
But at a VERY hefty price.

To summarize my story: Tacos are a treat.
Do not get your taco from the corner of the street.
Free tacos are the best, but if you must, spend some dinero.
Eating tacos in a crisis will make you a US hero.

Eat tacos at your desk,
in your bed, or on the floor.
Something tells me we're not talking about tacos anymore.